Letter to an Angel

I didn't know you were hurting like me, I really had no idea. Now I feel like I should've seen that you were covering it up too. You had to be the happy one, the funny one and not the person that no one knew. Maybe it was all new to you and it wasn't your way of life. If you didn't understand or know what to do, I could have helped you through it. Not that I've got it figured out yet, but I've sure spent a long time trying. I've had those thoughts you must have had, if you were even thinking at all. I just wish you would have thought them out loud to me and maybe things would be different. Selfishly I want you here because you brought me joy, but I know you're in a place where being happy is no struggle at all. Still I wish I could have seen that you were hurting like me, and that we could have helped each other. Spinning around that highway, I knew it wasn't my time. Maybe it was God, or maybe it was you, but either way it wasn't just my own voice saying "it's going to be okay." So in that way you've helped me more than you'll ever know to show me I have to keep going. Even when it feels like there's no point at all and every day is the same, I find solace in thinking one thought of you, and in that moment I am okay.